Reflections and comments from women I have cared for and their partners.

Kirsty
“Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift? The fruit of the womb His generous legacy?” (The Message translation)

"I can still remember the excitement I felt when I saw those two thin lines on the pregnancy test stick. Thankfully, falling pregnant happened quickly for me and my husband, and with great anticipation I began the journey into motherhood. It wasn’t long before I had ordered several books on pregnancy and birth and started envisioning how I wanted to go about having our baby. The idea of homebirth had always appealed to me, but I was unsure whether I had the confidence to go through with it as a first time mum. However, as I started reading more, I began to become increasingly convinced of what I intuitively already knew: Birth is an innate part of life and, in most cases, does not require the medical intervention and control that we have been led to believe is necessary. Consequently, I came to the conclusion that I could not let the fear of the unknown rob me of the birth that I knew would be best for me and our baby. After all, there is far more to birth than simply getting the baby out of your body. This knowledge strengthened my resolve to have a normal, natural, gentle birth in the comfort of our home, and ultimately led me to hiring Helen to assist me in this goal.

I strongly believe that thorough preparation – the education that best prepares a woman for a gentle birth is one that empowers her through information and a belief in her ability to give birth naturally. As a couple, we actively and intentionally took responsibility for my health and wellbeing. I did not want to hand my pregnancy and birth over to someone else and say “OK, Doctor, whatever you say” – as is the practice with so many women who simply opt for a medicalized, controlled, and managed childbirth. Thus, it was important for me to maintain a healthy attitude, eat nutritious foods, avoid stress, exercise, and get regularly checked and adjusted by my husband who is a chiropractor. We also took a hypnobirthing course (which I highly recommend), and I quickly learned to develop a thick skin to those peoples’ comments that suggested that by choosing to birth outside of hospital, I was not a caring mother and was willing to risk my baby’s safety for my own selfish needs. Ironically, this could not be further from the truth!

Looking back on the actual labour and birth of our baby girl, I can say that it was by far one of the most miraculous, joyful, and transformational events of my life so far. My husband and I had chosen not to have any of the ultra sound scans and had calculated our estimated due date the old fashioned way - based on my monthly cycle. We decided to get Helen to come across to the Isle of Man on the Thursday when Rachel was due on the Saturday. (I did not want Helen coming too early as I did not want to feel like a proverbial “watched kettle” and I was also keen to avoid induction so didn’t want the pressure of her running out of time with us). As it turns out, I started to leak some waters on the Monday and Helen ended up coming a day early, as I was anxious about the repercussions of the leaking. Had I been under regular hospital care, I would have been pressurised by their policy to be induced 24hrs after the leaking started, but I was so thankful that Helen did not impose these same time constraints for birthing our baby. Rather, she closely monitored me for any signs of infection or stress of the baby and then left my body to labour in its own time. On Thursday night, I experienced erratic contractions throughout the night, which died down on the Friday and gave me a chance to not only rest but to bake a birthday cake for my baby… something I had really wanted to do! On Friday evening, my husband and I started a number of interventions to try and assist my body to start the contractions again. We went for a long walk and I took homeopathy and my husband did some acupuncture and acupressure. These all worked to get the contractions coming strongly and regularly and then it was time to call Helen!

From the time that she arrived, I knew that I was safe and in good hands. Most people know that a labouring woman needs to be loved and nurtured by those around her so she can feel comfortable and secure enough to follow her natural instincts, and Helen enabled me to do this. Her wealth of birthing experience meant that she knew exactly how to advise me in terms of positions, movements etc. For the most part, she gave me and my husband the space to get on with things, but always seemed to appear at just the right moment to remind me to relax my shoulders or hold my hands through an intense contraction. Not least of her expertise included knowing when to tell me to get into the birthing pool at the perfect time. When I got into the pool I was 4cm dilated, and within an hour I had our baby in my arms! Born on her due date! It was truly amazing to have my husband right there with me throughout the whole experience, and it was him who first discovered and told me that we had a baby girl!

I think that husbands often feel overwhelmed by the intensity of the birth experience and sometimes feel excluded or distant, not wanting to get in the way or knowing what to do to help, but this was not at all what me and my husband experienced. We were a true team, and Helen really helped to facilitate this. The way she is as a midwife allowed us all to experience and revel in the sacred nature of birth. The awe of the first moments with our new baby girl are hard to put into words. Feeling her wet, warm head in my arms and breathing in her newborn scent are indelibly imprinted on my mind. Gazing into the eyes of our newly emerged child, who seemed peaceful and present, was also an unforgettable moment.

Following the birth, Helen helped to get Rachel latched on, and once she had breastfed for a good while, we headed upstairs to both get into the bath together. After that, Helen tucked me, my husband, and Rachel into bed - our new family - a picture of sheer contentment. In the days afterwards, Helen visited regularly, ensuring that breastfeeding got fully established and that I was confident in managing Rachel’s daily routine – from bathing, to changing, to winding etc. This hands-on support was invaluable, and I constantly tell family and friends that Helen was a literal God-send… worth her weight in gold. As a result, I have been able to take the experience of birth and apply it to mothering my baby. I know I will be able to do whatever it takes to be a mother. I think this is where the empowerment of giving birth naturally comes in, and why the whole experience has been so transformational and confidence building for me. When people say I am “lucky” that everything went as smoothly as it did for my home birth, I correct them on two accounts: Firstly, luck has nothing to do with it. I am blessed and truly recognize both my baby and the birth experience for the divine gifts that they are. And secondly, I believe that the work that I did before and during my pregnancy (which certainly included hiring Helen) made all the difference."

Louise
"Wow!, is a great word to sum up my home birth experience. I started with very mild stomach tightenings at about 3.30am and as the morning progressed these became more regular, around 6.00am my husband helped me 'hook up' to my tens machine. I felt very calm and it was lovely to think that I was free to do as I please, no checking labour bags, no drive to hospital to think about, all that remained was to have a cup of tea and ring Helen which I did around 8.00/8.30am, contractions were around 5 minutes apart but I still felt completely relaxed.

My sister turned up to collect our 18mth old son and she obviously must have felt the relaxed atmosphere, as she sat chatting to me as though she'd just popped around for a cuppa lol! This was the only time I think I felt slightly anxious and that was only because I could feel contractions slowing (amazing how your body works for you and will dictate when it's a good time to birth) Anyway, I wandered off upstairs to get some Paracetamol and contractions were becoming more intense Helen retrieved Matthew from the kitchen (making toast for everyone) to come upstairs.

Matthew and I were left alone to labour, whilst Helen and Debbie (observing nearby) carried out their checks periodically, but to be honest these were so non-intrusive I can hardly recall them. Matthew was an amazing birth partner, a homebirth was so important for the both of us, I got to labour as I wished and Matthew got to partner and support me the way he had hoped, the whole experience was wonderful.

Our son Saul was born at 11.08am weighing 7lb 3.5oz I helped catch him and he fed straight away, it was brilliant. It was so different from my first birth at hospital, which I can only remember feeling exhausted, sick and drugged. I delivered (no drugs) the placenta a short time later, I hopped in the shower, changed into a nightdress, climbed into my own bed with Saul, our son Isaac clambered in too shortly after and Matthew joined us after making the cuppas and providing the much needed chocolate, as i said, one word to sum it all up......WOW!"

Matthew
"Our homebirth with Saul was a beautiful experience, it seems strange to compare it with the birth of Isaac our first child, in the sense that I never felt that Louise and I were welcome at the birth.

In contrast our homebirth far exceeded our dreams and hopes of what a birth could be like, with you in attendance we never felt lost, alone or anxious and felt that if we took our eye off the ball you would be there to guide us back, which you did. You were very caring, understanding and professional, you never once made us feel uncomfortable, you never once pressured us into making decisions, we do intend to have more children and I can honestly say that wherever we live we will come to you and hopefully you will be with us to help bring our children into the world.

From a male perspective I was always comfortable with Louise having a homebirth because I know she is confident in herself, but I always had a little voice in my head asking me what I would do if things didn't go smoothly, well that little voice was silenced as soon as you entered our home. When Louise' contractions became more frequent you then guided me to become the more active birthing partner rather than the teaboy, you understood our dynamic and the timing for everything. I have never felt so confident and proud in anything I have done before this and I have to say that to all men who may have discussed homebirthing with their partners I one hundred percent recommend it, you will never regret it, it truly is a gazillion times more relaxed, more involving, more beautiful than having a hospital birth. I do appreciate the fact that there are births which must take place in a hospital, but if there is a choice to make then this in my experience is by far the better one.

I'll just add that my and our most heartfelt thanks to you for making a beautiful experience more beautiful than we could have ever imagined, we are so pleased that you were there for us. I hope, no, I know you will continue to bring joy and sweetness to countless more expectant parents in the future and please, wherever we dwell visit us as you will always be most welcome in our home, to some degree you are both part of our family."

Siobhan
"Words cannot express how much I want to thank you for being my midwife and giving me the most perfect birth experience I could ever have hoped for. It was all I imagined it would be and so much more. Thank-you so much for being an utterly wonderful help over the last 9 months, you have given us such reassurance that we won’t ever forget you".

(Siobhan after the birth of her lovely surprise daughter)

Faye
“Thank-you so much for being there at the birth of the twins and helping me have such a wonderful labour .........and please say thank you to your very tolerant family for letting you go during their holidays!”

(Faye, after her home twin birth – a team collaboration between NHS and independent midwives – yes it does happen!)

Clare
“Thank-you for being with us again at such a special time and helping to bring another (not so) little miracle into the world. We feel really honoured to have received your kind and generous care and attention and wouldn’t have wanted to do it without you."

(Clare, one of my lovely repeat clients giving me the unbelievable honour of being midwife to both her children)

Rachel
“Thank-you for giving me the strength and support I needed to bring Max into the world the way I needed to and for not judging me but giving me the confidence to birth freely and with joy.”

(Rachel, stepping outside the box to birth her breech baby the way she needed to)

Violeta
“I really want to say thank you for being the midwife I wish every woman to have, for looking after me so gently and with such commitment, for respecting all my wishes for the birth and for caring me after the birth beyond what I could have wished for. I am very very moved not just by how good you are as a midwife but by the way you comforted me with as much love as a mother."

(Violeta, another repeat client, far from home, just wanting a simple non-medicalised birth and honest support)